4 am knows all my secrets

I’ve always been a light sleeper. I need a lot of sleep and can’t function without it.

Lately my battery has been so low due to stress and physical pain.

I’ve been so exhausted, whether I’ve slept 10 hours or 5. On top of that I’ve been suffering from insomnia these last 3 weeks. I started taking Zolpidem just to be able to fall asleep, but after just a week I felt the “addiction” kicking in. I couldn’t fall asleep without it. I wanted to stop taking it but just couldn’t fall asleep. So for about 2 weeks I slept about 4-5 hours a night.

Then I decided to try other ways to fall asleep:

  • Keep busy during the day as much as possible (with bursitis in my hip) ➡ lots of pain and a brain working overtime at night
  • Watch tv till I almost passed out ➡ awake as soon as my head hit the pillow
  • Read a book in bed till my eyes got heavy ➡ put book away and brain started overthinking everything again
  • Meditation ➡ now if you know me, I’m anything but zen. I’m nervous, can’t sit still and definitely can not take time to relax and do nothing. But there’s a first time for everything right? So I got an app and an open mind.

An hour of rippling waves and calming music later, I was still awake. I just can’t shut my brain off.

Day 2 of trying meditation went a little better cos I tried a guided one that reminded me to keep going back to my breathing, instead of going through all those thoughts in my head. But it still took me 2 hours to fall asleep. I also got some earplugs to block out all the noise (BF has sleep apnea), cos even the slightest sound kept me awake.

These last 2 days I haven’t used the meditation app and have passed out around 11:30pm without any trouble. Amazing. I can’t explain why. Here’s what I did:

  • I’ve had a lot of fresh air and sunshine
  • I’ve been surrounded by friends and have had some fun and relaxing moments
  • I’ve had a cortisone shot in my hip so the pain isn’t as bad anymore
  • I refused to be a couch potato even though it’s been my favourite past-time for years
  • I’ve decided to start claiming my life back, being who I used to be, taking care of myself again

I’ve let myself go immensely these last few months.

Wearing baggy jeans and a shirt every single day even though I used to love summer dress weather. Letting my (short) hair grow out way too long (can you say mullet) and grey (I feel so old), comfort eating and therefore gaining way too much weight without being able to work out properly because of all the infections in my body.

So from now on, I solemnly swear to release my Sassie again! That means: lots of polka dots, vintage inspired summer dresses, black (with a hint of purple) hair, funny earrings and sassy attitude. Here’s to the (old) new Sassie. May she live long and prosper.



PS: If you see me revert to my recent old habits, please let me know. I’ll be ever so grateful.

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